Instagram vs Reality: Christmas with Chronic Illness

If your Instagram feed right now is anything like mine, it’s probably an absolute nightmare.

Everyone's at their fifth Christmas event this week, looking flawless in sparkly dresses. There are perfectly styled presents wrapped with military precision. Photos of elaborate Christmas treats, that were “so easy” to whip up. Someone's done a full family photoshoot in matching pyjamas…sound familiar?

Meanwhile, you're over here trying to work out if you have enough energy to shower AND attend your one Christmas obligation this week.

Let's talk about the massive gap between what December looks like on social media versus what it realistically looks like when you're living with chronic illness.

The Instagram Fantasy

According to social media, December is supposed to be:

- Multiple Christmas parties, work dos, and catch-ups with friends

- Hosting fancy dinners with homemade everything

- Looking camera-ready at every event

- Having boundless energy for shopping, wrapping, decorating

- Creating "magical memories" at every turn

- Being present, cheerful, and up for everything

Everyone's posting about having the best time ever and living their best life.

Instagram 'perfect' Christmases

The Chronic Illness Reality

Here's what December looks like for many people with chronic conditions:

You're choosing between showering and attending that family dinner. You can do one, not both.

You've already cancelled three Christmas events and its only mid-December. The guilt is eating you alive.

You bought pre-made food because the thought of cooking a full Christmas dinner makes you want to cry. And you're still worried it'll wipe you out.

You're spending half your "Christmas cheer" managing other people's disappointment that you can't do what they want you to do.

Your Christmas outfit is about what's comfortable enough to wear while sitting down most of the day.

You know you'll spend Boxing Day (and probably the week after) in bed recovering from Christmas Day. That's just how it works now.

The Bit Nobody Posts About

Here's what doesn't make it to Instagram:

Medical appointments don't stop for Christmas. Neither do symptoms, flare-ups, or the daily management of your condition.

The stress of the festive season often triggers flare-ups. So, while everyone else is "getting into the Christmas spirit," your body is staging a full-scale rebellion.

The emotional labour of managing everyone else's expectations is exhausting. "Are you sure you can't make it?" "Can't you just push through for one day?" "But it's Christmas!"

You're masking pain and fatigue to avoid being labelled "the downer" at family gatherings. Smiling through it takes more energy than most people will ever understand.

The anxiety about letting people down is sometimes worse than the physical symptoms themselves.

Friendly Reminder

Your version of Christmas doesn't need to look like anyone else's. Full stop. If your big achievement this Christmas is getting through the day without a major flare, that counts. If you spend most of it on the sofa, that's ok. If you say no to every single event because that's what your body needs, you're not being selfish…you're being realistic. The people who truly care about you won't need you to perform "perfect Christmas" for them. They'll just be glad you're there, in whatever capacity works for you.

Christmas with chronic illness might mean:

- Saying no more than you say yes

- Accepting help instead of doing it all yourself

- Buying instead of making

- Attending for an hour instead of all day

- Staying home in your pyjamas

- Having a completely different kind of celebration

And all of that is absolutely okay.

Managing December with Chronic Illness

If you're struggling with the gap between Instagram Christmas and your reality, here are some reminders:

Social media is a highlight reel. Nobody's posting about their exhaustion, their cancelled plans, or family feuds.

You're comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's carefully curated best bits. You don't owe anyone a "perfect" Christmas. Not your family, not your friends, not yourself.

Saying no is not the same as giving up. It's protecting your energy for what truly matters to you.

The guilt you feel about not doing "enough" at Christmas? That's society's ableist expectations talking, not reality. Your limitations are real. They're not a personal failing, a lack of effort, or something you can positive-think your way out of.

A Different Kind of Christmas...

Maybe this year, instead of trying to keep up with the Instagram version of Christmas, you give yourself permission to have your version of Christmas. Whatever that looks like for you…whether it's a quiet day at home, a brief appearance at one event, or something else entirely.

You're not ruining Christmas by having limitations. You're just being honest about what your body can handle. And that takes more strength than most people posting their "perfect" Christmas mornings will ever need to muster.

So, this December, when Instagram is making you feel like shit about your chronic illness reality, remember that those perfectly curated posts don't show the full picture. Your reality (messy, complicated, and limited as it might feel) is just as valid.

And if you ever need any support, I’m always here.

Kirsty x